The New Bishounen Dating Game
by Beautiful Midnight
Summary: Well, with Phibby still in a cushy rehab facility somewhere, Mina keeps her hostess job..but that doesn't mean Black Mage doesn't creep the hell out of her..Merblemikey's on an ego trip.. and..is one of the bachelors making out with another guy?!


*A cute young girl walks onto the stage and poses, wearing a game-show type uniform. The men in the audience start to whistle and cheer, and once Mina realizes the button for her shirt is undone, she sweatdrops and quickly fixes it. The men sigh and sit down.*  
  
Mina: Aheh.. ^_^; Konyanichiwa! I'm the lovely, the talented, the wonderful Mina-chan, taking over again for Phibrizzo, who I hear is recovering nicely from the time he spent hosting this show. We have Phibrizzo live via Satellite.. Phibby, you there?  
  
**Phibrizzo appears on the video screen, looking pale, with dark circles under his eyes**  
  
Phibrizzo: Hello, Mina-san...where are you?  
  
Mina: I'm at the show, and--  
  
Phibrizzo: Th..the...the show?! AAAIIIIIIEEE!! *runs off, screaming "NEVER AGAIN! NEVER AGAIN!"*  
  
Mina:...That's alright, he can afford the therapy ^.^ Now then, let's meet our--Oh.. *is handed a card* I.. I forgot to mention my.. co-host?*blinks* Since when do I have a co-host?!  
  
**The merblemikey is brought out on a red velvet pillow with golden tassels hanging from each of the corners, wearing sunglasses and golden jewelry, surrounded by good looking men in speedo's, fanning him with feather fans.**  
  
Mina: ....  
  
Audience: ....  
  
Merblemikey: ^.^ *purrs* Merble.  
  
Mina: ....The guests.. right.. Oh, first, let's introduce our bachelorette.. My dear friend, Cassie!  
  
**Cassie runs out, screaming**  
  
Cassie: THE ANSWER IS B!!!!  
  
Mina:... Wrong game.  
  
Cassie: You sure?  
  
Mina: Do I look like Regis .?  
  
Cassie: A little bit.  
  
Mina: -_-;; Anyway..  
  
Cassie: ...Does one of the bishies happen to be a Vashu?  
  
Mina: No. Last time we had one of them, you went psycho and stole him.  
  
Cassie: ^.^ I couldn't resist.  
  
Mina: Do I want to know what you did to him?  
  
Cassie: Same thing you did to Yue .;  
  
Mina: *coughs*  
  
Merblemikey: Merble! Merblemerblemerble-meefmerble, meef meef zoink narf!  
  
**Gourry Gabriev runs down the stairs and sits down, smiling cutely**  
  
Gourry: Hi there, Mina-chan!  
  
Mina: *blinku* Weren't you already on one of my shows?  
  
Gourry: *nod* But I didn't win and Lina said I had to win.  
  
Everyone: *sweatdrops*  
  
Lina: *waves at the camera*  
  
Mina: Anyway.. How about contestant number two?  
  
**There's a shout of "FIGHTERDOKEN!" before Fighter goes flying across the stage and gets lodged in one of the old sets. He brushes himself off and somehow gets onto the stool**  
  
Black Mage: Why do I let him live..  
  
Mina: *monotone* This is going to be -such- a great show.  
  
Merblemikey: Merble..  
  
Mina: Yeah, sure, why not. Number three?  
  
**Silence... people in the audience start looking around**  
  
Mina: ...We do have a third contestant, don't we?  
  
Merblemikey: *nods* Merblemerble...*suddenly squeals and falls off the pillow; he's picked up by one of the speedo men instantly*  
  
Mina: ..What?? *runs into the green room and comes back a minute later holding a young man dressed in Prince's robes by the hair, dragging him across the floor*  
  
Tristan: Let me go, Miss Mina!  
  
Mina: You missed your cue to make out with Marron!?....Okay.. I can understand that. ^_^;  
  
Audience: .........  
  
Mina: Here's contestant number three!  
  
Cassie: Bout damned time, too.  
  
Mina: Cassie, you have the questions, right?  
  
Cassie: Yep! Contestant number one..  
  
Gourry: Hiya ^.^  
  
Cassie: What is the kinkiest thing you've ever wanted to do?  
  
Gourry: Well once, Lina wanted me to swim with her in a pool of whipped cream...But she got hungry and ate it all...She's a pig.. a big one..  
  
Lina: SHUT UP, GOURRY!  
  
**Zelgadiss snickering from audience**  
  
**Sounds of pain, then Lina sitting there smirking**  
  
Cassie: Whipped cream? Sounds like Mina's fantasies with Matty...  
  
Mina: O_O;  
  
Merblemikey: .;; Merble?  
  
Mina: Er.. NO! Not yet, anyway.  
  
Cassie: Contestant number two..  
  
Fighter: Yo.  
  
Cassie: What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done?  
  
Fighter: I like swords.  
  
Cassie: ...so it involves swords then?  
  
Fighter: Especially shiny ones.  
  
Cassie: .....  
  
Everyone: ......  
  
Black Mage: *twitchtwitch* SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT! *blast of electricity from the audience and Gourry sits there all fried. Black Mage smiles and sits back in his chair*  
  
Mina: O.o;  
  
Tristan: .;;  
  
Cassie: How about you, Contestant number three?  
  
Tristan: Uh.. well..er...Marron's not that.. um.. Ooh! There was that time when we had all this chopped fruit and chocolate sauce.. *starts to blush and squirm a little*  
  
Mina: *starts to giggle and blush as well*  
  
Cassie: o.o; I have a feeling I'm screwed either way.  
  
Black Mage: Speaking of screwed.. You got 208 bones in your body.. want one more?  
  
White Mage: *twitch*  
  
**White mage beats the living crap out of him with her giant mallet and boots him out of the seat, grumbling**  
  
Cassie: Next question... If you were to be chosen as Miss Americ---*blink* Uh.. Mina, these must be your questions.  
  
Merblemikey: MERBLE! Merblemerble! _  
  
Cassie: What'd he say?  
  
Mina: They're his.  
  
Cassie: Oh. Sorry. *gives the card to the merblemikey.*  
  
Merblemikey: ^.^ *purr*  
  
Cassie: Here we go. *clears throat* Due to recent events the economy is in a slump, now many people believe by sending and pumping money into the economy, it can help.. do you agree or disagree with this theory and why?  
  
Gourry: O_O  
  
Fighter: O_O  
  
Gourry: Uh...well...er...um...uh... *looks to the audience* The answer is (A), 37. ^.^  
  
Everyone: ........  
  
Lina: -_-; I don't know him.  
  
Cassie: Contestant two?  
  
Fighter: I was ignoring the question because it didn't have anything to do with swords and is therefore meaningless. ^_^  
  
Mina: ..Uh-huh. Right.  
  
Cassie: How about you, number three?  
  
Tristan: Due to the fact that the economy is in a slump, one can only wait it out and know that in a modified capitalism economy such as ours it will naturally work toward market equilibrium thus making intangible property much more stable and thus increasing the strength of the market to its prior state which we can then build upon as per pre-September 11th. Pouring money in will only devalue our currency further, causing higher rates of inflation and thus bringing about more recessions. Thus, once can conclude, the fed pouring money in would certainly be detrimental, ^.^  
  
Marron: *sits there all starry-eyed*  
  
Mina: .; C'mon, get going... Black Mage is starting to creep me out.  
  
Black Mage: ^.^  
  
Cassie: Okay, next question.. If you could be any animal, what would you be, and why?  
  
Gourry: I would be a dragon.. and scare away evil-doers with my mighty roar.. ROOAAARRR...  
  
Lina: -_-;;  
  
Everyone: O.o;  
  
Cassie: How 'bout you, number two?  
  
Mina: *starts laughing* Dragon game!!!  
  
Everyone: ......  
  
Merblemikey: MERBLE! *throws a paper airplane at her head* .;  
  
Mina: o.o; *blinkblink* Sorry.  
  
Cassie: ....Contestant two?  
  
Fighter: I'd be a sword...cause they're shiny.  
  
Cassie: .That's not an animal!  
  
Mina: Just forget it..  
  
Tristan: Well.. they say that lions can mate up to fifty times in a day.. ^_^;  
  
Mina: Nuff said ^_^ Well.. on that note, let's go to a commercial..  
  
Cassie: Is it another talking dildo?  
  
Mina: .; *shrug *  
  
  
  
**Commercial**  
  
Announcer: New on Thursday nights. A mixture of comedy, drama, and romance. It's...  
  
**Hot men in loincloths start dancing around to cheesy, 50's type musical background music, revealing an utterly adorable little creature lying on a big fluffy pink pillow**  
  
Announcer: The Merblemikey show!!!  
  
Merblemikey: ^.^ Merblemerblemerble merble merble meef narf meef merble!  
  
Announcer: That's right, Merblemikey! Thursdays at Eight, catch the show critics are talking about! "What the hell is it saying?!" Raves Jim Brown of the San Francisco Tribune.. "KAWAII!!" shouts Mina Greywords.. "Huh?!" Says Richard Kahana of People Magazine.. This Thursday at Eight!  
  
Merblemikey: Merble!!  
  
**Loincloth men end up with a big finish, posing around the merblemikey**  
  
  
  
Audience: ..  
  
Mina: .What the fuck!? I didn't say that!!!!!  
  
Merblemikey: ^_^;;  
  
Mina: WHEN DID YOU GET YOUR OWN SHOW?! YOU UNGRATEFUL, RUDE, PIECE OF-  
  
Merblemikey: * big dewy eyes* Merble?  
  
Mina: * melts* Kawaii.  
  
Cassie: .Anyway..  
  
Mina: Well.. uh. we have two questions left in this game.so.. go to it.  
  
Cassie: Right ^.^ Contestant number one.. Some people think the idea of a house and a white picket fence is outdated... what would be your idea of a dream home for us to spend the rest of our life together in?  
  
Gourry: * blinks* I have to live with you? *tilts head * Well.um.I'd want a big house.. like the ones Lina keeps blowing up..  
  
Cassie: . * muttering * damned obvious contestants..  
  
Fighter: *thinking * I'd want a house..MADE ENTIRELY OF SWORDS! My god, it'd be so shiny! And pointy!!! I'm so brilliant!! I'd call it the House of Swords!!  
  
Black Mage: *twitch *  
  
Tristan: Well.. uh.. let's see.. the dream house would be one filled with kopeii's of Marron-sama ^-^  
  
Mina: *facefaults * There's too much of a good thing, you know.  
  
Tristan: Not of that good thing ^.^  
  
Mina: True. Would you let me have one?  
  
Tristan: Most likely ^.^  
  
Mina: Oh, well then. It's time for the final question.. you ready?  
  
Cassie: Always, I-  
  
Merblemikey: Merblemerblemerble.  
  
Mina: No!  
  
Merblemikey: MERBLE!  
  
Mina: NO!  
  
** The two glare at each other**  
  
Merblemikey: *big dewy eyes * Meef?  
  
Mina: *melt * Aaalright. *deep sigh * Don't forget everyone, to watch the Merblemikey show, this Thursday at eight.  
  
Merblemikey: ^.^  
  
Cassie: What was that about?  
  
Mina: It's a girl thing.  
  
**Mina yelps as both Cassie and the Merblemikey throw things at her**  
  
Mina: HEY! COME ON!!! I WAS JUST KIDDING!! Jeeezz..  
  
Cassie: Here's the question. Contestant number one.. I love a good breakfast in the morning, especially since it's the most important meal of the day.. if you could be a breakfast food, what would you be?  
  
Lina: He'd be scrambled eggs. *mumblemumble *  
  
Gourry: *looking awe-struck * Wow, that's just what I was going to say! ^.^  
  
Lina: ..  
  
Fighter: I'd be Swordi-O's. Part of a Balanced Breakfast. ^.^  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
** Suddenly, Black Mage dives at Fighter with a sword, screaming "EAT ELECTRIC DEATH!" but fails due to the armor.**  
  
Black Mage: Damnit. *goes back to his seat in the audience *  
  
Cassie: What about you, Bachelor number three?  
  
Audience: O_O  
  
Merblemikey: O_O!  
  
Mina: O_O!!  
  
Cassie: What's going on!?  
  
**Marron is sitting on Tristan's lap and the two of them are making out passionately. One of the stagehands throws a tarp over them, but Mina and the Merblemikey run under it to watch.**  
  
Cassie: *deep sigh *Forget it. I choose.  
  
**Loud crash as Fighter steals the Sword of Light and runs off, cackling.. Gourry yells and chases after him, and Lina chases after Gourry**  
  
Lina: HEY! Come back here with my sword!  
  
Gourry: . YOUR SWORD?!  
  
Lina: *still running * Yes, yes. We discussed this, remember?  
  
**They continue fighting as they run off stage. **  
  
Cassie: .So Bachelors one and two are fighting.. bachelor number three is making out with another guy. What the hell do I get?! * sits there, grumbling until she goes "EUREKA!" and snaps her fingers. Matthew Good appears onstage, looking a little confused, still holding a guitar and wearing a "Here Comes Trouble" t-shirt*  
  
Matt: ..What the hell? This isn't Vancouver!  
  
Cassie: *lunges at him * TAKE ME!  
  
Matt: .Take you where?  
  
Cassie: *holds up a key * Hotel room ^.^  
  
Matt: Sure! ^.^ * picks Cassie up and runs off *  
  
Mina: .All these shows seem to end with sex.. Oh well! ^.^ *grabs one of the loincloth men * See ya next time!  
  
* Fade to black* 


End file.
